It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
