Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
