is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
