1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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