She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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