I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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