i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize