Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
