My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dick very happy bro
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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