wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Michael Bay diarrhea
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
