before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
