Nicole vs. Life
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
