there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
