The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
