Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
