i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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