you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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