Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
