i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
