they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
