Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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