He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
