I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
