I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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