I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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