I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
