I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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