he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
