I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
