No stitches, just platelets and will power
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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