So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
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and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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