so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
