i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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