At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
