Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
