If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
