...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
