As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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