I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
