Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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