She is in my trunk
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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