We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
