i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
