I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
