sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
