This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
