we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I need to stop coming to work sober
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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