Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
