Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
