I bet he comes in French.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
