Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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