dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
