I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you win again, gameday.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
