Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
