my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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