He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
