Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
