just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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