maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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