somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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