She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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