A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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