Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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