I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
