i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
