btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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