Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
