Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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