My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
