buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
