Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Rumble strips road head = magical
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
