what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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